A Modern Woman on the Move

in hot pursuit of the great green light…

Posts Tagged ‘polyamory

Trinidad: We 3 In Love & Strength

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I hardly post on here anymore, I mostly post on tumblr now, I guess, but I haven’t totally forgotten about this blog…

I suppose I should first announce that Matt, Marco, and I have launched our weekly bio comic, The Feeling Is Multiplied, and you should check it out!

Next, I wanted to share this Love Day mix I made for Matt and Marco… It’s all one file, I take pride on mixing tracks and getting a theme just right, tell me what you think!

trinidadtracklist_lores

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Turning 30, Living My Dreams!

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For a couple years, I have been planning and brainstorming as to how I can support queer students in the after school program that I work for, waiting until I felt more secure of my position and my relationship with the director, before I straight up asked to facilitate a queer support group. I was thinking of facilitating something like a Gay Straight Alliance, but more spectrum inclusive, but then I learned the after school program had lost their Black Student Union teacher and therefore BSU, leaving a greater need within the after school program for support of marginalized students facing various kinds of discrimination and challenges. The idea I’ve come up with is a club called Youth Empowerment and Solidarity, or YES!

My plan for YES! is to do activities centered on strengthening student bonds and relationships,  talk about constructive communication (especially non violent communication), talk about conflict resolution with peers and authority figures,  discuss key vocabulary that will turn students on to verbalizing their struggles (ageism, homophobia, empowerment, solidarity, autonomy, consent, oppression, marginalization, racism, sexism, etc.), talk about media messages and the importance of dismantling them, talk about the importance of caring for yourself (physical and emotional) and how to care about others, have guests whose experiences will add to the conversations we’ll be having in class (different community leaders and activists), talk to the students about local youth resources (Multnomah County Youth Commission, SMYRC, Portland Youth Summit, Youth Empowered Action, Rock ‘N’ Roll Camp for Girls, etc.), read/discuss parts of Stay Solid!, and address/talk about whatever else the students want or need to talk about. This is the poster I made for YES! to promote it within the school…

yesposter

Since I was a preteen/teen living in poverty with an abusive and neglectful parent, struggling to get out of that environment and better my life, it’s been a dream of mine to become a teacher and to have a positive impact on youth, but also to advocate for youth rights. I vowed I would grow up to be an adult that made a difference in the lives of young people. Back then, I thought I would become a biology teacher and just be present for my students. Over the years, I have switched gears a bit. I began to loath the structure of the public education system (as I watched it fail many of my peers and realized its oppressive and inherent flaws) and I fell away from wanting to study biology to become an educator, deciding to pursue my own creativity through comics and zines and wanting to teach kids those skills and more around independent publishing, seeking involvement and belonging in those communities… Which was a struggle, especially coming into the comics “community” in Portland in my early twenties, as the community was riddled with oppressive, power-hungry dudes that were incredibly misogynist (that special brand of nerdy misogyny with a lot of gate-keeping). But, I started doing indie comics workshops for kids and broadened to teaching general zine workshops for kids. As I had quickly become disillusioned by the comics community, I turned more towards zines, becoming a PZS organizer because that community felt safer, being facilitated by more women and having a Safer Spaces Policy (safer, but certainly not without it’s own problems and crappy people, as I also learned over the years). Along the way, I made a lot of friends, zines, anthologies, and memories. Becoming well known as a zinester by volunteering in that community on so many levels and working with youth int hose communties lead me to be invited into schools to teach.  Working with kids to make zines felt so right. Zines encourage literacy in a very engaging way and making their own media is very empowering to young folks. It also opens a dialog with youth as to how mainstream media fails them. Now, my path as a zine educator has helped me fulfill my goal of working with and empowering youth not only with teaching zines, but with other interests, like debate, games class, and social justice activism (my new group, YES!). After I do a couple terms of YES! where I currently teach, I’m hoping to bring it into other schools.

In case you don’t know, I am about to turn 30 this month, so I have been doing a lot of reflecting as to where I am at and feeling really happy with my life and excited for everything in front of me (hence this post). I find myself accomplishing quite a few of some of my oldest goals and feeling like my heart and mind are going to explode.

Especially my heart. This year, for my annual Friendsgiving, I was hosting in my shared home with two amazing life partners. I have been living with my partners Matt and Marco since May and it’s been a very transformative experience. There have been bumps (mainly Marco and myself have wrestled with some baggage from past bad relationships and our childhoods clashing a little bit), as with any relationship transition into deeper intimacy (the deeper intimacy brings out deeper demons), but I have honestly been amazed with Matt, Marco, and myself. We garden together, we’re building a couch together,  we laugh together, we cry together, we’re planning comics together, we celebrate together, we chill out together. We also have separate spaces and times, we schedule date nights and alone nights, balancing our desires to be together with time for ourselves. They each have there own rooms that they share with me, but I’m also working on having  my own (I’m lagging because I also have the smallest room and I just need to get rid of a lot of stuff before it’s a functional space). When I kicked an abusive partner out of my house a few years ago, I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t live with anyone again unless it was multiple partners, thinking that, if more than one partner wanted to cohabitate with me, we’d probably all be having pretty awesome relationships and they would probably be awesome people whose goals in life were compatible with mine. Both Matt and Marco are incredibly sweet, supportive, accountable, and motivated people. I find myself continually inspired by them both and feeling thankful for them both.

I have wanted to have deeper loves in my life for a long time, trying to have healthy relationships and practicing non monogamy (bent more towards polyamory) over the years with a lot of trial and error, but I finally feel I am sharing my life in meaningful way with not just one amazing partner, but two. We have shared space, shared goals, shared projects. It all has me feeling incredibly fulfilled and happy, my home is feeling like one of the safest and most wonderful places… It really feels like a home and Matt and Marco are my family. All with room for more.

So, with all this, I am going into my thirties. Considering where I’ve been and where I’m at, I think this may be the most amazing decade of my life. It took a lot of work to get here, but it’s all been incredibly worthwhile.

Written by lovemotionstory

December 12, 2013 at 11:49 am

This feminist believes people can just be better than that…

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So, recently, my partner Matt’s mom sent him these books….

I jokingly tweeted that Matt and Marco say, “We surrender!” (originally Marco’s joke), and posted this photo. However, it turns out Matt’s mom is reading my blog and internet stuff. And, more recently, Matt got this gem in the mail… tencommandmentsofdating

I am pretty sure Matt, Marco and I have already read aloud to each other more of this book than his mom read before sending it. Just in case, let me reassure you, Matt’s mom, you raised a much better son than what this book would like us to believe…

allmenareconnivinganddeceptive

All men are not conniving and deceptive. Especially not Matt. He is one of the most wonderful, honest and sweet people I know. I love him.

Though he might lick the lint out of Buddha’s belly button to impress a girl, I don’t know.

But, seriously, I don’t think he’d become a Buddhist just to impress a girl. I think Matt is a more defined and self-actualized person than that. I know Matt’s mom is having a hard time understanding polyamory and sexual freedom, but I do appreciate that she loves her son and is reaching out to him.

It can be hard to see people taking a different path than yourself or that deviates from your beliefs, but just because it’s different, doesn’t mean it’s invalid. Just because we have more than one  committed relationship in our lives or that we’re open to, doesn’t mean our love for one another is not deep and meaningful. And, nonconformity can really be a saving grace, especially when popular books in Christian mainstream would encourage you to uphold and conform to certain types of relationships because,  based on your gender, you must be a conniving liar trying to get into any girl’s pants.

Further, I would like to put it out there that, for me, feminism is about understanding that traditional gender roles can hurt men who aren’t interested in those roles, as well as women and especially any other gender expression. Gender binary is harmful, and narrow gender constructs like what the Ten Commandments of Dating try to convince people about each other based on gender are HORRIBLE. Do we really want to tell men that they’re all conniving liars? And, if the authors of the Ten Commandments of Dating are wrong about you’re son, what else are those authors dramatically negative or completely wrong about?

I leave y’all with a few links on those ideas…

http://thefbomb.org/2010/05/how-feminism-helps-everyone-not-just-the-women/ http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/five-ways-feminism-helps-men/ http://feminspire.com/feminism-its-good-for-men-too/

Written by lovemotionstory

April 16, 2013 at 3:07 pm

Some of Those, “What Was I Thinking?” Moments Today

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The weirdest thing about the video thing I made to help promote that event thing, was editing it months later and seeing an ex, once adored and celebrated by me, sitting there staring at his phone and completely disengaged from the totally cool community thing happening all around him. Foreshadowing, folks.

He wasn’t the worst, not by a long shot. I have a lot of fond memories from the beginning of our relationship, before he stopped trying and before he let his negative demons run rampant. I actually even feel bad for the dude. I cried and agonized over limiting my time with him at the end of our relationship, when he was simultaneously saying I was crowding him and then complaining that I was too busy working on PZS.

But, gosh, was he such a draaaaaaaaaaag. Like, weeks and weeks before that. And completely inconsistent in his ethics (as in, bothered when people were racist, but often unsympathetic and even blaming toward me for being bothered when dudes were being sexist or harassing me). And unreliable for collaboration. But I kept thinking I just needed to be there for him. I am sure there is something to be said for not immediately jumping ship when he started to show negative behaviors, for trying to talk to him about them and be patient, and there were times he was there for me, but I definitely might have waited a little too long to retreat.

I am way thankful for my current partners. Engaged, sincere, willing to be challenged by life, giving, mature, and cavity-inducingly sweet. I so love Matt and Marco.

To my friends who were skeptical of me dating a comedian back then? Well, you were right.

Written by lovemotionstory

January 28, 2013 at 10:40 pm

Give Love

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Feeling terribly squishy and like sharing one key idea that has been spinning in my brain the last couple of weeks, as I have had a steady flow of loving partners and friends in my life just being amazing the last few months…

Give love, accept only love.

It is amazing what happens in life when you give love freely. If you give more love, more love comes your way. Give kindness and you will find more kindness. Give laughter and you won’t be able to stop giggling and smiling with your loves. Loving people exist. Don’t be tricked by the media and popular ideas of relationships in society. Love does not need to be hard. Love does not need to be dramatic.

There are people in the world who will hear you having a problem and offer their honest support without strings attached and with true honesty… Or they will offer their accountability, if your problem involved them or something they had done, in a responsible way without being defensive or combative. There are people in the world who will love you and accept your love without becoming proprietary or controlling. There are people in this world who will hear your needs if you’re brave enough to just ask! They may not be able to meet them, but you only have a chance to get what you want if you’re honest about it.

You don’t have to accept people into your life who habitually lie. You don’t have to accept people into your life who cross your boundaries. You don’t have to accept people into your life who seek to control you. You don’t have to accept people into your life who are apathetic. Tell them good luck and move on because there are loving people in the world who give their compassion and support freely if you would only not settle for less. If you would only wait for yourself and another loving person to find one another. Reject those that seek to control or hurt you because they are marginalized and hurt, so it is all they know and all they have to give.

And to not accept those who would hurt you? Fuck, let me tell you straight up, it is so empowering. You don’t need anything less than love and, when you decide and follow through on that idea, you are loving yourself. You are affirming to yourself that you truly deserve nothing less than love.

Find love and wrap yourself in it, it becomes exponential. Accept only love and you will find plenty of it and any problems that come your way outside of your close, loved one won’t be as painful because you will have the love of those close to you to cushion any blows that you experience from the rest of the world.

Yes, I know that I may be dismissed writing things like thus as a total hippie… But really, what’s more punk rock and radical than love and happiness outside the dramatic, painful shit that we’ve been taught by mainstream society? Forget abuse, forget control, forget feeling proprietary, forget love-hoarding, forget shaming, forget manipulation, forget dishonesty! Save your fighting for a cause you believe in, it has no place in your loving relationships.

Accept love, give love… Then love can be infinite.

Polyamoury symbol as drawn by Patrick Kelly
(thanks again, man, this is way better
than the other ones floating around on the internet)

Written by lovemotionstory

August 2, 2011 at 2:01 pm