A Modern Woman on the Move

in hot pursuit of the great green light…

Posts Tagged ‘friends

PZS is coming… A love letter to inspiration and community.

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Another year, another Portland Zine Symposium.

Actually, I am very excited about this year’s zine symposium. While we’ll be at The Refuge for the second year and that space really isn’t big enough for us, it looks like we’re experiencing a re-invigoration among the organizers.

I have been trying to think about why that is and I have come up with a few reasons…

The biggest is that there are two new, awesome zine fests/events/etc. that have popped up with excited and ambitious organizers. The awesome, new LA Zine Fest and Chicago Zine Fest have really helped breathe new life into the idea of organizing zine fests. They have stuck to DIY and non profit kind of attitude, while also trying new, creative, and interactive events and promotions for zines and zine fests. As someone that has been helping out with Portland Zine Symposium for 5 years now, it is so helpful to see new fests with DIY values but also new ideas. It also is inspiring to know some of the organizers and be hearing them trying to figure out how to start he fest and seeing them succeed.

I used to live in Chicago when I was younger and I met Neil Brideau years ago in Portland through comics, we bonded over having lived Chicago, zines, veganism, and biking. When I visited him on a trip to Chicago, we talked at length about the zines and comics community in Chicago and how he might be able to facilitate people coming together in a more solid community. The next thing I new, he had helped start Chicago Zine Fest and registration was opening up for it. He has tried to pick my brain about organization of zine fests over the years…. But I have to confess to being less available than I would like to commiserate, motivate, and brainstorm with him due to my schedule and how I have grown to hate communicating by long emails and rather just talk on the phone.

I met the awesome Eryca Sender at PZS one year for a zine organizers panel, I think it was in 2010. She was helping to begin to plan for LA Zine Fest and I admired her ambition. When I first came into PZS, I felt full of ideas and motivation, but, the last couple years, I have been dealing with burnout and tired of feeling like I was the only one who wanted to do more new things and more events for more zine outreach. Take that dramatic thought with a grain of salt, because other PZS organizers do want to do more things and more outreach, we are just stretched thin with our low number of organizers and some of the other organizers or more grounded and cautious than I, they’re not just boring naysayers or anything. Connecting with her and just having the zine organizers panel discussion reminded me how much interest there is in zine and DIY media and how I need to refocus on bring it together instead of moping that there is a lot to do every year and that it’s hard. Now the LA Zine Fest seems to be off to a great start and it’s so awesome to read Eryca’s updates and my friends reports that the fest has been fun.

I haven’t made it to either the LA or Chicago Zine Fests because my traveling budget the last two years has been nonexistent, but I am really aiming for 2013 to be the year I finally freaking make to to both.

Another big reason that this year feels more exciting and inspiring is because of the Zine Events Organizers google group. I am so thankful that group was started and I have been so thankful to read all the threads about other people’s ideas, thoughts, challenges, etc. To have support int hat way and to be able to participate on a broad scale in supporting other people who are navigating planning zines events and fostering community has been amazing. I feel that group has helped to ground my experience in zine event planning by grounding me in a community of people who are doing the same. What a way to get back in touch with my inspiration!

And having that community now feels critical, having lost a core PZS organizer, Dylan Williams, and an inspiring friend to leukemia last year has hit hard. It has given me another reason why doing this type of volunteer work is so important and why it is fulfilling, so I want to work twice as hard at it again instead of being burnt out. I want to get people involved in this community, the community that someone I respected cared about so much as part of my own way of honoring his memory.

And, this year, we are so lucky because we have potential new organizers for helping out this year, including old organizers coming back. Our potential new organizers this year are hopskotch SunDAY, Martha Grover, Marc Parker, Derek Neuland, and maybe one or two more people. I mention the ones who have expressed the most seriousness so far, just to be cautious. I already know hopskotch is awesome because he does Stumptown Underground (though it means I already know that he is crazy busy), so it’s excited to think of doing another project with him. I don’t know Martha hardly at all, but I love her work and I love the positive and ambitious attitude she’s already bring to PZS, plus I have heard great things about her personally from fellow IPRC volunteer, Micheal Heald.  I haven’t ever done a project with Marc before, but I have known him for quite awhile and he’s been a good friend. I am interested to learn what working with him will be like. Then there’s Derek, who organized with us in 2010, moved away for a year and is now back. Derek has a lot of drive, though we did butt heads a little bit in 2010, I was thankful and proud of us both for working through the little bit of clash we had and I am glad to see him return. The last one or two people that have expressed interest in joining as organizers for PZS haven’t made it to a meeting yet, but I am even excited about them. There just seems like so much new possibility!

Finally, there’s the tried and true. While we may be recovering from slight burnout, I am so thankful for Alex Wrekk and Katie Ash. I have known these ladies for years, worked on various projects with them, and love them to pieces. I am so thankful to have them in my life, much less to be collaborating with both of them. I am thankful for their patience through all the project and personal ups and downs, for their honesty even when it’s been tough, for their dedication to our shared values, and for their continued support. I am lucky to know both of them. Thank you so much, Alex and Katie!

I actually started this post yesterday, because I wanted to announce that PZS table registration was going to be opening up at noon today.  So, anyways, the Portland Zine Symposium registration is up! Go register!

Seriously though, we have fewer tables this year than we have had in quite a while. Even though we’ve been selling out of tables every year, we just haven’t found bigger (and in our price range) space to host us and last year The Refuge was too crowded. This was partially because we had planned on the stage being taken down when determining our table space, but they had just forgot to take it down or decided not to, and also because we don’t really have the workshop space we need there (and they also hadn’t totally cleared the space we assigned for the workshops and we had to change things last minute). The space tried to make it up to us and were nice about it, but we still need to find a bigger venue with more space for our tablers and workshops. We are working on this for 2013, but, in the meantime, we’re making this work. To help it be less crowded to get around in, we are only having 70 tables and only 10 of those will be available as full tables. So, we are estimating on having 10 full table registrations and 120 half table registrations available. You better get on it! http://pdxzines.com/tabling/

When you register, please note the option to select “Up for trades” on the form. What is it? Well, go read about it, darn it! Seriously though, it’s another attempt on our (the organizers’) part to keep PZS zine focused and community-centric. If you select that option, you will be getting a discount on your registration, an “Up For Trades” button to wear during PZS, and some other potential perks. <3

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It Would Mean A Lot To Me

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Those of you who have known me for awhile, well, this won’t be news to you, but may be, perhaps, a good reminder. For the past 5 years, I have volunteered as an organizer for the Portland Zine Symposium, which is finally peaking again this weekend with the main event: The 11th Annual Portland Zine Symposium.

There have been a few outreach events the last couple months, but this weekend is the actual convention. Every year, I, along with my fellow organizers, work incredibly hard to put the Portland Zine Symposium together.

We don’t always do everything perfectly, we don’t give ourselves fancy titles within our group, like “President” or “Director,” but we all work our collective fingers to the bone to make it happen. We take on jobs, each to our ability and availability. We brainstorm, we plan, we write, we outreach, we laugh, we get frustrated, we cry, we organize, we lose sleep, we just do it until it’s done… And, somehow, it all comes together.

This year, we moved to an entirely different location, The Refuge. We did this because we didn’t want to do the Stott Gym again, for a variety of reasons, and we didn’t have the guarantee of the Smith Ballroom. In fact, we were told, it would probably be unavailable to us. We couldn’t’ wait to find that out, but we got still got the space we were moving to confirmed very late. We only have two rooms for workshops this year in this new space. We only have room for about 80 tables and our sold out with a waiting list again this year. All details that are hard, but you have to make do with what you have and press on. As Alex has noted, we are facing a problem most zine fests confront, finding a space within our means. And, to be more specific, finding a space within our means to host our community event in a way that can include the community we attempt to serve. That means, a space big enough, planned with enough time, that is cheap enough that we don’t have to jack up our tabling prices, finding other ways to increase funding (outreach/fund-raising events, fund-raising projects, etc).

We all have responsibilities for PZS. We all also work, go to school, and/or try to maintain some semblance of a social/love life to maintain our sanity. One of us became very sick this year and has been in and out of the hospital, about to undergo more surgery just before PZS. Another one of us is married to that one of us that has been having these health issues. Another has been traveling quite a bit. We need help, but a lot of people are happy we exist for them to attend the event. Without knowing what it takes to do the work to put it together, without knowing what goes into it… While thinking they just don’t have the time, while thinking they don’t know enough to help, while thinking it’s not their problem. So, when I say that we all work our collective fingers to the bone to make it happen, I mean it. When I say that we brainstorm, we plan, we write, we outreach, we laugh, we get frustrated, we cry, we organize, we lose sleep, we just do it until it’s done… I mean it.

And, somehow, it all comes together.

People have been asking me for year how I find the time to do all the projects I do. I only have one answer, I MAKE THE TIME. Unfortunately, there is no magical wizard that stops clocks for me, granting me just a few more hours in a day than you, I only have the time that I make.

Now, I don’t begrudge anyone the idea that they don’t do what I do. I understand that people are different than me, I accept it. I wouldn’t ask you to do what I do. Odds are, you are really amazing at something you do that I couldn’t even imagine excelling at doing…

I only ask for consideration.

Please, consider attending the Portland Zine Symposium this weekend. I could tell you, “Look, see how many talented people will be there?” Or I could say, “Look, see all the workshops and panels there will be to go to for free?” Or, I could even say, “Hey, did you know there is free food and cool prized at the Portland Zine Symposium?

But, honestly, if you are someone I know who imagines that we are at all friends, please consider attending the Portland Zine Symposium and one of its events sometime this weekend because I work really, really hard on it every year because it is reallyimportant to me. If I know you, it would mean a lot to me to see you there.

Written by lovemotionstory

August 4, 2011 at 1:42 pm

Give Love

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Feeling terribly squishy and like sharing one key idea that has been spinning in my brain the last couple of weeks, as I have had a steady flow of loving partners and friends in my life just being amazing the last few months…

Give love, accept only love.

It is amazing what happens in life when you give love freely. If you give more love, more love comes your way. Give kindness and you will find more kindness. Give laughter and you won’t be able to stop giggling and smiling with your loves. Loving people exist. Don’t be tricked by the media and popular ideas of relationships in society. Love does not need to be hard. Love does not need to be dramatic.

There are people in the world who will hear you having a problem and offer their honest support without strings attached and with true honesty… Or they will offer their accountability, if your problem involved them or something they had done, in a responsible way without being defensive or combative. There are people in the world who will love you and accept your love without becoming proprietary or controlling. There are people in this world who will hear your needs if you’re brave enough to just ask! They may not be able to meet them, but you only have a chance to get what you want if you’re honest about it.

You don’t have to accept people into your life who habitually lie. You don’t have to accept people into your life who cross your boundaries. You don’t have to accept people into your life who seek to control you. You don’t have to accept people into your life who are apathetic. Tell them good luck and move on because there are loving people in the world who give their compassion and support freely if you would only not settle for less. If you would only wait for yourself and another loving person to find one another. Reject those that seek to control or hurt you because they are marginalized and hurt, so it is all they know and all they have to give.

And to not accept those who would hurt you? Fuck, let me tell you straight up, it is so empowering. You don’t need anything less than love and, when you decide and follow through on that idea, you are loving yourself. You are affirming to yourself that you truly deserve nothing less than love.

Find love and wrap yourself in it, it becomes exponential. Accept only love and you will find plenty of it and any problems that come your way outside of your close, loved one won’t be as painful because you will have the love of those close to you to cushion any blows that you experience from the rest of the world.

Yes, I know that I may be dismissed writing things like thus as a total hippie… But really, what’s more punk rock and radical than love and happiness outside the dramatic, painful shit that we’ve been taught by mainstream society? Forget abuse, forget control, forget feeling proprietary, forget love-hoarding, forget shaming, forget manipulation, forget dishonesty! Save your fighting for a cause you believe in, it has no place in your loving relationships.

Accept love, give love… Then love can be infinite.

Polyamoury symbol as drawn by Patrick Kelly
(thanks again, man, this is way better
than the other ones floating around on the internet)

Written by lovemotionstory

August 2, 2011 at 2:01 pm

What I am making time for…

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We only have the time we’re willing to make.

I haven’t been to Jazzkat’s Coffee Bar in ages, because I don’t live or work near there. So, I made sure make the time to go there today and it’s still as awesome as ever. I love you Whitney Baskins! Plus, do all my vegan friends know that a new vegan tattoo joint has opened up around the corner? When I got to Jazzkat’s today, Whitney walked me around the corner to introduce me to the new vegan tattoo shop owners of Ritual Art Tattoo and Body Piecing, which happens to be a queer-owned vegan tattoo place, no less. There is another empty space next to Whitney’s for rent, so I was joking to her that we needed to get another vegan shop there to create a second vegan mini-mall. Maybe FoodFight needs a second location? There are already a couple grocery stores in the neighborhood though. Since Whitney’s place has coffee and sandwiches, I wouldn’t want to see something that competed with her.Maybe another Herbivore? Hm..

Anyways, I have been working harder to re-socialize myself, making time and spending time with friends I have neglected the last year and half. I had coffee with Noah last week and it was the first time I had seen him in forever. It felt so good to sit and talk, it also seemed that we had some mirroring experiences since the last time we’d really hung hung out. I also had an affirming get together with a guy I dated off and on for a year before the big-bad-ex, in which he apologized for not being a better friend while he had starting dating someone else. I had gone into meeting him expecting to still be mad but hoping to make amends, so I was pleasantly surprised when we talked and I felt he was sincerely reaching out to me. I tried explained to him that I could understand where he was coming from because I had neglected a lot of my friends while I was doing a big, unhealthy thing for over a year, so it would be pretty hypocritical not to try to offer a bit of forgiveness and understanding for his attempt at reconnection… But I would also like to be friends with him anyways, which is why it hurt to feel like it didn’t matter to him before. So, yeah, all kinds of resolutions happening, all kinds of reconnecting, all kinds of new connections.

There are some new connections happening too, which are interesting. I am dating a boy who actually is enthusiastically poly and already has a relationship going with another lady long before me, which is actually a new position for me. I am usually the lady that’s already with the guy, navigating the new ladies in the guy’s life. And often the guys haven’t been good at being honest and open with their other goings on and the ladies haven’t been very friendly to the relationship that already existed. So, in a weird way, I feel I am getting to be the kind of woman I would have liked to see in my life and I am really loving the opportunity. The other lady came to Trek in the Park with us, then her and I had coffee last week, then we all had coffee yesterday. There are some obstacles for us, mainly that she has a couple of guy friends in her life that I had bad interactions with a few years ago (I am not a fan of them and, as a result, they are not a fan of me) and that poly is still very new to her. If there has ever been one universal motivator for me, it’s been to succeed in spite of other people’s negativity or bad shit in the past. There is also the idea that polyamorous relationships are different for each set of people trying to have them, so even if the boy and his lady weren’t at all new to this, we’d still have a lot to navigate and sort out between us and I have been just blown away with the level of communication and open-heartedness from both of them.

In other news, the ocean-themed submissions deadline for Stumptown Underground is just around the corner (July 23rd) and I hope you all make time to submit to it. The submissions for the summer-themed issue were low enough and we’ve been so behind on things within SU, that is looks like we’re may combine the summer and ocean issues.

I completed the PZS 3rd Annual 24hr Zine Challenge this past weekend, but I kind of hate what I made. So, unless you sponsored me for the challenge, donating $10 or more to the Portland Zine Symposium, you probably won’t ever see this zine. I have more thoughts about the 24hr Zine Challenge for another post soo

Also, we’re doing the bike-in movie night again for PZS this year, this time with Whiffies new mobile, yellow beast. We had an open vote on the movie this year, which has finished and Triplets of Belleville was chosen! The bike-in movie night is happening on July 29th, you should all probably come.

In slighted related music listening linkage, here is a kind of dorky song I am have been liking…

These days, I don’t sleep for fun. And also for zines.

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Things are going pretty awesomely the last couple months. I am getting back on track in putting myself into PZS and SU, as well as having some fun times with friends.

Last night, I slept from 3am to 6am, so that I could finish coloring a drawing…

 

Basically, I imported a scan of the drawing into Illustrator, made a live trace of the black lines with a few tweaks, then colored it in Photoshop by sampling from pictures of real things… This was a real fun coloring experiment for me…

The pea’s pod coloring was sampled from a photos of a real pea pod. One person’s skin was from a photo of a real peach, another’s from a photo of a pale white rose, and the third’s from photos of coffee beans. The red hair color was sampled from a photo of a orange rose with yellow and red accents, the blonde-ish hair was taken from a photo of yellow beans. The background blue was sampled from a photo of raindrops on glass, the darker blue was taken from a dark blue butterfly’s wings. The cloud swirls’ color was from a photo of very light blue and white clouds. After cutting out chunks of each of the photos, I cloned them a bazillion times in Photoshop, then I smudged them a bit, depending on how textured the sample was versus how textured I wanted it to look. It took quite a long time, but I really had fun with it.

The release party for the issue that this is the cover of (“Peas in a Pod”) is tonight, which is also a music show! If you’re not doing anything, you should come celebrate zines and fun music with us at The Saratoga. The issues will also each be a dollar off, for tonight at the release party only.

The next deadlines for Stumptown Underground are June 23rd for summer-themed submissions and July 23rd for ocean-themed submissions. More info here: http://www.stumptownunderground.com/2011/04/issue-19-20-summer-the-ocean/

2011 PZS Poster Art Call / Stumptown Underground Submission Call

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So, onto to zine things!

Every year, the PZS gives EVERYONE a chance to make the image that will represent the next Portland Zine Symposium on the website, posters, buttons, fliers, outreach events, and at the convention. All you have to do is think about the theme, create a poster and submit! This theme for the 11th Annual Portland Zine Symposium will be “Postmarked 2011” and the deadline is March 1st. Check out the call here and give it a try!

And in other zine news, Stumptown Underground’s 17th issue will be centralized around the theme of BREAKUPS. For more info on that, check here and look over SU’s (finally) new and improved website. The graphic at the top was thought up by me and inked up by Ben Bush! We couldn’t seem to keep up with updating the website between Katy and I, so Stumptown Underground finally implemented a wordpress set up so that all the members in the collective can help keep it updated.

Written by lovemotionstory

February 7, 2011 at 10:42 am

Transitioning…

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Alright, here we are.

I made big promises about updating my blog with zine reviews and my life and whatever, but I haven’t been doing that.

To tell you all the truth, I have really been struggling the last few months to do most things. I have only just barely been keeping up with publishing Stumptown Underground and pitching in with the Portland Zine Symposium (that’s probably because they’re collectively organized, so I have other people helping keep me in line). This is mostly because I have been kind of depressed. Okay, not kind of, majorly.

This has been the first big bout of sadness I have had in 7 years. The last one was situational as well (read as: an unhealthy and draining relationship). I have been trying to figure out a serious relationship (in which I’ve had a boundary-pushing partner with a lot of issues while also trying to deal with my deeper issues popping up because we’ve been together for quite a while and because I am not getting all my emotional needs met), struggling with developing some new hobbies and a new line of work (which I have been open and honest with a few of my friends about, but which I can’t tell everyone about), I haven’t been biking and exercising enough (which would be a healthy way to combat some of these down-in-the-dumps feelings), and I was thinking that I maybe needed a break from most everyone.

I have a bad habit of isolating myself when I am sad. Primarily because I don’t want to bum anyone else out, but also because I feel embarrassed for being sad or depressed. This is horrible to do because, when you’re sad, that’s when you need your friends (your support network) the most. I am really thankful for the close friends I have that remind me how good it feels to talk to someone….. It’s what’s finally bringing my foot around to my ass to kick myself back into reality. Also, friends remind you that you’re worth getting your needs met and being in a loving relationship if your relationships get rocky.

My primary relationship was getting really rocky for a lot of reasons and it’s finally time for things to change, one way or another. Being with someone that is mostly inclined to see and expect the worst before the hoping for the best has been killing my usual appreciation and happiness with life. I hate this. I have had real problems in life, real struggles in situation I had no control over (an abusive parent and an abandoning parent), so I am not interested in treating life as horrible now. I am thankful to be alive, I am thankful to be me, I am thankful for my independence, I am thankful for every opportunity to love and be loved. I am, however, very much an emotional chameleon and the attitude of the people around me, especially people close to me, affects me profoundly. It’s hard when I hang out with someone depressing or angry, but it’s also what makes me so empathetic. I am thnkful for my close friends who have been reminding me of some key things as I have been getting caught up in the tornado of this partner’s problems and started feeling ways that are just not me…. It’s unacceptable for someone to get angry with me just because I am sad, especially when I am very supportive to that someone and their anxiety issues. It’s unacceptable to have a partner who will consistently lie to me to dodge any potential conflict. It’s unacceptable to have a partner who tries to superimpose their past relationships onto our relationship and onto me. It’s hard to draw the line and to know when to say when to say enough is enough, however, when you love someone and you feel like you can help your love… When you think that you’ve seen progress and you should just stick with them through this next things and then they will treat you nicely again… Or maybe this problem, or maybe once we get through that thing, or maybe just after this issue. With someone who is so overwhelmingly negative but also can be terribly charming and funny, the ups and downs are too extreme.

Knowing the distinction between the genuine effort it takes to navigate a healthy relationship and realizing that a relationship has engulfed you and taken you away from the other parts of your life is difficult. When you’re used to thinking everything will pass and be alright, it’s hard to see if someone you love actually has a problem of treating most problems like crises that they can never handle (so they just shut down, get angry or run away). Escalating more often than helping and resolving. For us it was especially hard because he brought me into a new community that I discovered I enjoyed and had a place in… Finding what my place is and learning a lot of new dynamics took a lot of patience, bravery, self reflection, mistakes and time…  But I don’t want to abandon the other communities in my life just because a new hobby is challenging. Figuring out that balance has been hard.

I am trying to get back to my own life and strike a balance again. I kind of came out as having been depressed and trying to get back to reality on twitter/facebook/to the friends I saw, but I wanted to take the time to really sit down and write about it more… This is in order to keep talking about it so that I can keep myself consciously working on these balancing issues, but also to put my feelings/experiences out there in case anyone wants to talk (or just wants to silently relate and be reminded that you’re not the only one).

And I think I am doing okay. I am going out more again and I getting back in touch with myself… My confident, independent self that has fun and appreciates that life is truly beautiful. I want to thank my close friends for being there for me. My close and supportive friends are the reason I am able to come out on the other side of all  these changes and balance myself back out with my new hobbies in tow, while also drawing some lines with my primary partner. My friends who reminded me that the rest of my life is still here and they still want to hang out even when I am sad. I am lucky for all of you and I can only hope that I am half as good of a friend to you as you all are to me.

Written by lovemotionstory

February 7, 2011 at 10:21 am