A Modern Woman on the Move

in hot pursuit of the great green light…

Posts Tagged ‘articles

On talking to women… Or, really, just anybody!

with 3 comments

So common of an experience, very well written about in this article… http://www.huffingtonpost.com/yashar-hedayat/a-message-to-women-from-a_1_b_958859.html

It happens so often to women in this way because of the way we are socialized and marginalized, but it’s also just something that abusive people tend to do, to attempt to debase your feelings or reactions to their behavior as a way to escape being accountable for their behavior.

Be a confident person, assert yourself and your boundaries. When someone does this to you, call them on it. Let them know that is is hurtful and unhelpful.

Of course, there will be resistance, but mature people, interested in growth, will be able to accept that they have hurt you and will work to be better able to communicate with you in a healthy way that makes you comfortable.

Also, taking this opportunity to say, if you want to compliment a women, try doing it without sexualizing her, it gets you a lot further.


I started to write a whole post about recent experiences that I have personally had where I was giving superficial, sexualizing compliments by people I hardly know and how it made me uncomfortable each time…. But the post got entirely too long. And I was just writing about incidents that have happened in the last week. I think that, because I am out as queer, open about being polyamorous, and try to be sex-positive, people (mostly males, but some females do it to0) tend to think that it’s okay for them to sexualize me. No, it’s just uncomfortable. If I don’t know you that well, don’t assume I want to be clued into the fact that you sexually desire me.

Maybe get to know me, the projects I work on, where I volunteer, etc. Then compliment the real me, not the way I look or how it pleases you, which is fleeting and temporary.

Written by lovemotionstory

December 2, 2011 at 7:15 pm