A Modern Woman on the Move

in hot pursuit of the great green light…

Take care, be careful

with one comment

This is mostly a reminder for myself, but I want to share it for the sake of anyone I care about.

Take care, be careful.

Look at your life and the people you love, take time to notice those who give to you. Then take time to give back to them.

Honor who you love and nurture the love of those who honor you.

Remember that you are worth supporting, talk to the people you love about the challenges and issues you face. Don’t chase those who only are capable of taking from you, those who only make demands on you, or those who isolate you from your support network. Especially when you have people waiting to to be there for you, missing you, waiting to catch you.

Every destructive circumstance you chase hurts those who desire to build greatness with you, whether through collaboration on projects/work, within friendships, or through love and intimacy. Challenge yourself to learn to fall less, to look critically at your behavior/patterns, and to resist urges to take potentially dangerous leaps. Not just for yourself and your own stability, but for those who hurt for you when you are hurt.

I share this song because it has been running through my head on repeat while thinking about all this and the situations I am finding myself in….

This has been a long lesson for me to learn throughout my adult life and I feel I am learning it more all the time, as a struggle to balance my giving nature, my open-heartedness, and my optimism with the reality of how people actually are and the idea that I should proceed more cautiously into close relationships. Part of this has always been my eagerness to be loved, as much of my life has been in love-deficit.

A major aspect that appeals to me about polyamory and polyamorous community is the potential to be more accountable to myself in relationships, as I have other people that are relying on me to be ethical, communicative, safe, and healthy. And, when I say healthy, I am not just speaking to physical or sexual health, but to emotional health. This last week, or even the last couple of months, has been full of circumstances and epiphanies that have really been evidence of the power of my little polyamorous community for good in my life, as well as for challenges in having every link in the chain working together to bear the load and deal with challenges. And while the community can work together to bear the load, it becomes clear when a link is weak in any way because it hurts us all and damages trust and safety throughout the chain.

This is a hard thing to face. Many of us who gravitate toward polyamory often do so because we do not apply scarcity economics to love relationships (more on the subject of love and scarcity economics here, if you are unfamiliar, it’s a great read). Many of us feel full of love to give, but it is important to ground that in the reality of space/time constraints. We resist rules or limits—I certainly do, and a case made against rules in relationships that I relate to can be found here—which is fine, if we are really practicing good time-management skills and communicating thoroughly. It begins to sink into chaos if we forget to make time for what we have or to neglect to communicate thoroughly.

Here is to me hoping that our combined strength can reinforce any weak areas with love, communication, and understanding. For it is not the universe that provides or catches each of us, it is the conscious choice of all of us to be there for each other and face difficulties together with love, the conscious choice of us all to be there for each other.


Written by lovemotionstory

March 6, 2012 at 2:30 pm

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