A Modern Woman on the Move

in hot pursuit of the great green light…

Saying “I like you” is okay, really!

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Here’s a recent question I received seeking dating advice:

I feel like an idiot for asking this but I’m a 20-something dude. And I want to make it very clear to this girl that I like her. We’ve gone on dates and I’ve paid for stuff, but still. Do I just say “HEY, I LIKE YOU”? That seems so high school.

Being honest can be hard and feel awkward, but when you are honest, you’re more likely to get what you want or need and less likely to be ignored or misinterpreted. You should not feel like an idiot for asking, liking someone, navigating relationships and feelings, it’s hard for MOST people. I think that’s part of the reason people have these elaborate dating games and courtship rituals before just saying, “HEY, I LOVE YOU,” but there are other reasons, like, learning more about the person we’re attracted to before jumping into bed or in love with them. Saying “HEY, I LIKE YOU” may make you feel like you’re back high school, but maybe that’s because during high school was a time period where more of us were more likely to be direct IF we told someone when we liked them because we didn’t have any ideas as to what else to do, before we learned various dating games or got hurt enough times to make us more likely to be emotionally gun shy. I don’t know, but what I DO know is that being direct will bring the situation to head.

There are definitely more mature or suave ways to do it, maybe during or after one of your nice get-togethers (which, yes, sound remarkably like dates), maybe not in all caps, you can bring it up. Just say something honest and direct like, “Hey, so, I have been asking you to hang out so much because I thought I may like you and, after spending time hanging out with you, it’s clear to me that I definitely like you in a more [dately/romantic/intimate] way. How do you feel?” If she’s interested in the same sort of relationship that you are, you both can move forward from there, exploring your compatibility in an honest and mature way . If she’s NOT interested, you can thank her for being honest back to you and move forward with your clearly-no-more-than-friendship relationship.

I also should point out that, she MUST be interested in you in SOME way. If she’s agreeing to hang out with you and letting you pay for things, that a huge sign. In our society, paying for things is often a gesture of romance. I feel awkward letting guys I date pay for everything, so I often announce I will get the next one. Or, if a male friend is trying to pay for me that I don’t like, I insist on covering my half of the bill because I don’t want him to think we’re on a date. Or, if I think I am on a date with a girl and I really like her, I offer to pay for her and girls have insisted on paying for me, saying I can get the next one. If she’s not considering an interest in you that’s more than friendship, than it’s kind of lame that she’d be letting you pay for things (unless she’s reciprocating) and she may just be enjoying the attention. So, you being up front now saves yourself a lot of time if she’s just interested in the attention you’re giving her and has no interest in you.

Have something you’re mulling over? Ask me about it!

Written by lovemotionstory

June 22, 2010 at 11:54 pm

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