It happens so often to women in this way because of the way we are socialized and marginalized, but it’s also just something that abusive people tend to do, to attempt to debase your feelings or reactions to their behavior as a way to escape being accountable for their behavior.

Be a confident person, assert yourself and your boundaries. When someone does this to you, call them on it. Let them know that is is hurtful and unhelpful.

Of course, there will be resistance, but mature people, interested in growth, will be able to accept that they have hurt you and will work to be better able to communicate with you in a healthy way that makes you comfortable.

Also, taking this opportunity to say, if you want to compliment a women, try doing it without sexualizing her, it gets you a lot further.

http://skeptopia.wordpress.com/2011/02/04/how-to-compliment-a-woman-without-sexualising-her
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html

I started to write a whole post about recent experiences that I have personally had where I was giving superficial, sexualizing compliments by people I hardly know and how it made me uncomfortable each time…. But the post got entirely too long. And I was just writing about incidents that have happened in the last week. I think that, because I am out as queer, open about being polyamorous, and try to be sex-positive, people (mostly males, but some females do it to0) tend to think that it’s okay for them to sexualize me. No, it’s just uncomfortable. If I don’t know you that well, don’t assume I want to be clued into the fact that you sexually desire me.

Maybe get to know me, the projects I work on, where I volunteer, etc. Then compliment the real me, not the way I look or how it pleases you, which is fleeting and temporary.

So look, my birthday is December 24th.

Every year, I struggle to determine how and when I will celebrate my birthday, how all my friends can be included because everyone is all traveling and such and because I want to feel loved and paid attention to by all my friends (I’m only human).

Having a birthday during the holidays sucks already, but it especially when you don’t even have a family you talk to. Normally, I think of my friends as my family, my network of love and support, because you’re all so wonderful, which is why I get bummed out that a lot of you just happen to be gone around this time.

So, if you’re my friend and in town any of these birthday party days, please consider showing up to one of my birthday parties, it will really mean a lot to me. Help me break my holiday tradition of lame birthdays!

First, December 16th, Board Game Birthday Gathering. A low key evening in my beautiful newish (to me) house, around the giant table or one of the smaller tables, playing board games (or card games) and having laughs. If you love board games, card games, hanging out at and snacking, or me…. Great! You’re invited. try to bring snack to share. <3

I have these games: Small World, Apples To Apples Party Box, Apples To Apples travel edition, Carcassonne (with a few expansions), Monty Python Fluxx, Catan 3D Collector’s Edition (which comes with the Cities and Knights expansion), Careers for Girls (found while thrifting, incredibly sexist), Go, Dominos, and Life: Star Wars.

You are welcome to bring more!

Don’t have my address? Email me to RSVP and get it… lovemotionstory [at] g mail [dot] c om

Second, December 24th, Blue’s Bonafide Birthday Blowout, a dinner at Vegetarian House  around 6pm, followed up by karaoke at Chopsticks 3:  How Can Be? at 8:30pm! Please, NO GIFTS. Just bring yourself, have some Chinese food, sing some sings, and have a great time.

Lastly, post holiday madness, Blue’s Belated Birthday Bash will be on January 21st, theme, location and time to be determined.

Hopefully, this will cover all the bases and share all the birthday love…

Short Run was held at The Vera Project, an all ages, non profit, music and art venue in Seattle Center. We want to give a big thank you to all the organizers who worked hard to keep tabling costs low and admission to the event free, key ingredients to any independently minded festival (as a PZS organizer, I can attest to this)!

I  rode up to Seattle with Emily and Virginia Paine of Sparkplug and tabled for Stumptown Underground, sharing a table with Alex Wrekk.

I met so many people, got a lot of Stumptown Underground zines and information passed out, and had a lot of fun. There were many people checking out Short Run that hadn’t even heard of zines, so it was great to be reaching out to so many new people about independent media. When I talked to organizer Kelly Froh at the end of the day, she said that their count for attendance was 820!

Thank you so much, Short Run! We will want to go again next year, so keep up the good work.

After Short Run, quite a few people hit up Georgetown Liquor Company for food before the after party at Fantagraphics. And, holy moly, did they have some amazing vegan food there! Emily, Virgnia and I shared the arugula artichoke dip, which was blended artichoke hearts and arugula (and, I swear, at least one jalapeno, there was a hint of spiciness) with Daiya mozzarella on top. I had the split pea soup and the Picard, which was made with apple-sage Field Roast, roasted red onions, Daiya mozzarella, Tofutti cream cheese and roasted garlic spread, toasted on ciabatta and served with vegan au jus dipping sauce.  It was all amazing!

I also got a couple records at Georgetown Records, the record store that’s nestled with the Fantagraphics store, and made

Just as a reminder, the next deadline for Stumptown Underground is coming up, for submissions to our memory-themed, 21st issue. Read the open submissions call here: http://www.stumptownunderground.com/2011/10/issue-21-memory/

At this point, after talking to Emily regarding how to handle distributing the zine (if it should be free, if it should be sold by Sparkplug to help keep it going, etc), I approached Justin at the IPRC about selling this zine to help raise funds for a scholarship that IPRC is just announcing will be offered in Dylan’s memory for the IPRC’s Comics Certificate Program. Dylan taught in the program, teaching and supporting others in their creative endeavors was important to him in many ways, and it seems like the best thing to do with the result of the zine… Especially since Emily suggested it. So, this zine will be sold all over and all proceeds will go to the Dylan Williams Scholarship Fund for the IPRC’s Comics Certificate Program.

I am also thinking of calling the zine Life Eternal, because my favorite photo of Dylan is the one Theo posted of Dylan next to those words. I think Dylan would feel kind of awkward if his face was on the cover of something, as he was rather humble, so I was having the cover all black, those letters in white, and that photo on the inside cover with an explanation of the zine, how it’s in dedication to his life and ideas and what the sales of the zine go to. This is not an idea I am married to and I need to ask Theo about using the photo, but it’s the first idea I had. I would also be open to doing a call for an illustration for the cover.

As far as submissions go, anyone can submit anything related to Dylan Williams, his ideas, his life, and so on. I would like to keep guidelines very loose so as to have the zine be  as inclusive as it can. Writing, illustrations, comics… Pretty much anything printable.

Do you have any thoughts on any of this? To what degree would you like to help? Just contributing? Helping review submissions? Organizing? Just organizing advice? I am open to as little or much involvement from anyone at this point, because I’d like to approach it with an inclusive and cooperative spirit. The zine anthology I work on usually, Stumptown Underground, is a collective I started to publish anthologies where all organizers have equal input and submissions are totally open to anyone, so I guess that’s why I would approach this that way.

Please email me regarding any of this or to contribute.
lovemotionstory [at] gmail [dot] com

As a friend, Dylan was kind and honest. He was able to say the things that I would offer to friends but had trouble remembering for myself, the things I needed to hear in a way that I actually heard them. There are so many examples I could give about this throughout our friendship, I can hardly figure out where to start. Instead, I will say that I always took his words and advice to heart and his support and encouragement changed my life. When Dylan confided in me about a couple situations with his friends asking what I thought, I felt like I had one a special prize of maturity, since I so deeply looked up to him.

There was so much I turned to him for, that we commiserated about, that we laughed about, that we worked on… He was vegan, he published, he taught, he created, he organized, he had similar parental issues as I did, he got mad about the same things I get frustrated over (but acted WAY more diplomatically about it). Often, the times when I was confiding in him were when I was trying to reel in my confrontational nature or to channel it more constructively. Conversely, often the times when he confided in me was to determine a way to be more confrontational or direct with someone about something. I laugh and cry just thinking about all of it.

As I search for photos of us together, I see countless emails between us over the years and it breaks my heart that I will never have a chance to work on anything with him again. I wish that I could call him and ask him what he thinks the best way to deal with any of this is right now. If you want to see a really amazing photo of Dylan, check out Theo’s blog about Dylan here. 

So many times before I got to know her, I thought how lucky Emily must be to be Dylan’s partner. As I got to know her better, I realized it wasn’t luck at all, it was because she is completely amazing as well. I got to know Emily more and more working on the Portland Zine Symposium together and I can’t imagine what she has been through or is going through because I saw so much love and support between the two of them. They worked on projects together (like PZS and Sparkplug) and supported each other in a way any of us would be fortunate to have with anyone. Knowing Dylan was an inspiration, but knowing Emily and Dylan and watching them care for each other was also a great personal inspiration to me.

When I talked to Emily on the phone yesterday, I felt helpless because I wish I could somehow make everything better. She is such a wonderful and strong person, I know she will get through this, but please consider buying comics from Sparkplug, contributing to any of the many benefits in Dylan’s honor, or showing her some kind of love.  Alex Wrekk and I were talking about doing a Delivered Dish Certificate for her, I have been thinking of just cooking some food and bringing it to her, and stuff like that.

Even in the midst of Dylan being in the hospital, Emily still helped with PZS. We all felt a gaping hole not having Dylan there this year, as he was in the hospital. We passed around a giant card for people to sign (you can see it in this video: http://youtu.be/dytCOyE3tNA, but let me know if you have a photo of that card), but I didn’t  imagine he would not be there next year. Thinking of the Portland Zine Symposium without Dylan there breaks my heart. Like most things Dylan worked on, he brought so much to it.

As a role model to me, Dylan was hardcore. Dylan got shit done. Dylan was an inspiration to see because he followed through on his ideas with action. Dylan was an inspiration to me because we had so many similar values and passions, he embodied those values and passions through his work, successfully. His work and his life showed me what was possible in helping others, building community and being a good friend. I am passionate about many ideas and projects, I try to act constructively and follow through on those ideas and projects. So often, I feel I see people talking about values and ideas without action to back their words up. Dylan didn’t just talk about comics, he made them. Dylan didn’t just support others’ comics, he published, distributed and taught comics. Dylan was an alternative before there was much of an alternative and he didn’t buy into any ideas about how comics should be, he supported anyone in making comics in their own way. He didn’t view anything as “more legitimate” just because it was mainstream, he truly found value in comics as art and supported artists making what they were inspired to make. Dylan didn’t just show compassion, he was kind to people he didn’t even agree with, something I struggle to do in my own life and often fall short on. Knowing and talking to Dylan about such conflicts has helped me improve on that and I can try to continue improving on remembering how he approached those he didn’t agree with. Even when he saw people in the Portland comics scene abandoning more independent, community-driven roots, he was thinking about starting a new independent fest. He could have just complained, but he was starting to think of new ideas to grow something instead. Dylan built community, attending zine and comics fests across the nation, contributing to other’s zines and more. When I started Stumptown Underground, his support meant so much to me. Then, when he contributed, despite all the other shit he was working on, I felt like I must be doing something worthwhile.

I also volunteer at IPRC, where Dylan taught as well. I watching him treat his students with such encouragement and dignity. His teaching philosophies were so spot on and it was reflected in I saw his students’ work grow while working with him. Always bringing people together, he would get on them to submit to Stumptown Underground or table at PZS, too.

And, you know, that’s the thing about Dylan. He could make you feel special, he could make you laugh, he could put things in perspective with no bullshit, he could give support in a way that made you feel like what you were doing mattered. Why? Because it does matter! Dylan was genuine and it mattered to him in a real way.

Humbly, without ego and without selfish ploys for credit, Dylan pushed forward ideas, compassion, support and projects for the sake of doing it, because he believed that was the way to be.

And, damn, is he right. Reading posts by others who knew him, it all shines through. It is only sad to lose Dylan because knowing him was such joy and inspiration. That his life was cut short is only a loss because he gave so much.

I could go on and on, but I am still processing. One of the ways I deal with pain is through creative expression. I want to thank everyone who has written about Dylan so far (I have already personally emailed some, I imagine I will have more people to thank soon). All your positive and loving stories are amazing to read and it makes me want to figure out a way to preserve a lot of this for each other, for those who may not have known Dylan as well, or for those who will never get the chance to know him in person.

I have started sending out emails about doing a zine dedicated to / in remembrance of Dylan. I am not sure what direction it will take, but maybe it will just be really loose, anything people who have known him would like to contribute, stories about him, his ideas, his work, etc. I would like help putting it together and help giving the whole idea shape. I think I would like to make it something widely available for free, leaving it in comic book stores around Portland and taking it to conventions, etc. Or maybe continually printing and supplying the to Sparkplug and letting Sparkplug sell it? I am not sure. One of the many values Dylan and I shared was a passion for collective, equal organizing. I would love the organizational help in an equal way from anyone who is interested. If you want to help me organize it or just to contribute, please email me at lovemotionstory [at] gmail [dot] com, I would love to hear from anyone who knew Dylan about this. I also am thinking about starting another independent comics fest in his honor, as we’ve seen more indie comics people coming to PZS looking for a place to express their voice.

Thank you for everything, Dylan Williams. You lead your life in such a kind, sincere and active way. We are all so lucky to know you.

Here are other posts about Dylan that specifically meant a lot to me:

Alex Wrekk - http://alexwrekk.wordpress.com/2011/09/13/1576/
Tom Neely – http://www.facebook.com/iwilldestroyyou/posts/10150296855268051 – “he was better than all of us. and he only wanted us to be ourselves. that’s all i can say right now.”
Tessa Brunton – http://tessab.net/2011/09/11/in-peace/
Gabby Playhouse – http://www.gabbysplayhouse.com/?p=1934
Austin English – http://dominobooksnews.com/2011/09/11/
Elijah Brubaker – http://elijahbrubaker.com/?p=1311
David King – http://www.reliablecomics.com/2011/09/dylan-williams/
2D Cloud – http://2dcloud.blogspot.com/2011/09/dylan-william-publisher-at-sparkplug.html
Katy Ellis O’Brien - http://blog.trumpetflower.net/?p=725
If you are interested in reading more about Dylan and all the wonderful things people have to say about his life, you can check out The Comics Reporter page of the collective memory of Dylan Williams: http://www.comicsreporter.com/index.php/collective_memory_dylan_williams_rip/

Most of you who know me know that I am not monogamous. The last few months, I have been having some amazing dating experiences that have put a lot of distance between me and the hurt of the big, bad ex. I have been feeling more like myself, I have been happy (though I was crazy busy and stretched thin the couple months before PZS), and I have had some really amazing, respectful lovers.

One of the best things I heard over the last few months was from my friend Alex, during the PZS Zinester’s Karaoke at Floating World. She said something to the tune of, “I just wanted to say that I have been really happy to see you getting back to yourself, you seem really happy.” This meant so much to me. One thing I have been dealing with is the embarrassment that I stayed in an abusive relationship for so long and that I chose to be so unhappy. For such a long time before that, things were pretty alright. I dodged a lot of dicey partners for years, I had a lot of nice little relationships, some ending better than others, but nothing blatantly horrible. I have struggled the last few months with the idea that my friends have got used to seeing me unhappy and that I am just “that girl” now. It meant so much to hear from a long time friend that she remembered how I was and was happy to see me going back to it.

The thing is, I am not just totally okay now. I am much closer to okay, but little mistakes and challenges in relationships can still throw me for a loop because I am still reconditioning myself to be the trusting and optimistic person I used to be, 2 years ago, before entering into a 18-month relationship with a dishonest, chaotic person struggling with alcoholism. I am trying to balance being careful, so as not to enter into a similar situation, with also being openhearted… Being openhearted, thinking the best of people, is how I would prefer to be, but it’s also, I think, how an abusive person was able to so pervade my life. I kept thinking he was just making mistakes or going through a rough time when, in reality, that’s how he always was… To balance being open to love with being emotionally safe, this is proving to be hard.

Now, I recently decided to fluid-bond with a newer partner who I am totally adoring. I wasn’t fluid-bonded with anyone in a sexual way and I am in a place where I thought that maybe it was too big of a risk to take because of some of the issues in my last relationship. Namely that the ex had repeatedly broken our fluid bond, anonymously and unsafely, and would then “confess” it to me later, then minimalize my concerns and pain regarding the breach of trust. Why he didn’t have better sexual standards for himself, much less me, is beyond me. I think he is just reckless and self-destructive. Maybe it is partly a generational thing. Being younger, I have had more access to safe sex and better sexual health education at an earlier age. Anyways, because of this, becoming fluid-bonded with someone the last few months is essentially making myself really vulnerable to triggering the trauma caused by his repeated dishonesty and lack of safety.

I set up the person I was fluid-bonded with, a boy I am dating, on a date with a lady friend of mine that I really like, thinking they would like each other. Everything was awesome and above the board. When I saw him the next day, however, I got the news that they had slept together and the condom had broke. And he had not had a sexual health talk with her before sleeping with her. This boy also has not been in a truly polyamorous relationship before (but has dated multiple people before casually). For me, the biggest part of what hurt about it was that the fluid-bond had been broken. Though he had tried to respect my boundaries (I am not really interested in being fluid-bonded with more than one person at this point) and had been safe, an accident had happened. Even though he was honest and told me right away, it hurt in a deeply intense way. I was triggered, I spent the whole day crying, “waiting for the other shoe to drop.” I was also not happy that he had not had a talk about sexual health with the person before having sex, but this was not something I had asked for, it something I assumed that adults with multiple sexual partners just always make sure to do (never assume, folks). If you have multiple partners, every encounter you put you and everyone else you sleep with at risk, so know what you’re getting in bed with. Use protection and barriers. I don’t even have oral sex without protection when I am seriously dating a few people and I am not comfortable with being fluid-bonded with more than one person (and it turns out that it is emotionally challenging to be fluid-bonded with even one person for me right now ).

What I was happy with was the way he was completely accountable for that and respectful in general… I was fucking impressed that he had the emotional strength to do something I would never ask. To be there with me through it. I spent the day crying off and on, for inexplicable fears and memories of things past, trying to figure out how to move forward from being so triggered, and he was right there with me. Then the next day and the next. Impressive. I vocalized all my fears and issues around the incident and he listened, over three days. From everything to basic “Here are my standards for sexual health in non monogamous relationships, I can’t be fluid-bonded with you unless you practice the same standards…” to “When setting you up with friends, every choice you make effects us, you two, and my friend and I, please be careful because mistakes seem much bigger…” to “I am worried I can’t trust my own judgement and I will think someone is just making mistakes or that I haven’t clarified things enough with someone instead of realizing they are just inconsiderate and unable to respect boundaries.”

And then, there it was: I asked for what I needed, prepared to walk away with only a handful of memories of a new lover (hopefully turned friend), and the knowledge that maybe I am not ready to be fluid-bonded to a partner yet. Maybe I need to stick to light dating because maybe I am still too tender… Except, the thing is, he was cool with it. He was understanding, he was supportive. He didn’t try to minimize my problems or my boundaries.

There was no other shoe. What seemed insurmountable was, in fact, not. Just really hard, but I know that, each time, it will probably get easier. Everything was okay.

All of that inspired this mix for that person…

So Take It Easy (08/23/11) - http://ge.tt/9gd5y77

Song list…

1. Addicted To Love (Robert Palmer Cover) by Florence + The Machine
2. All My Mistakes by The Avett Brothers
3. Fix You Up by Tegan And Sara
4. Of Moons, Birds & Monsters by MGMT
5. Armour Love by La Roux
6. This Too Shall Pass by OK Go
7. Closer to Fine by Indigo Girls
8. My My by Menomena
9. Rise by Rainer Maria
10.  Wake Up by The Arcade Fire
11. Emergency! Emergency! by The Promise Ring
12. Know Better Learn Faster by Thao With Get Down Stay Down
13. Folds In Your Hands by Passion Pit
14. Like u Crazy by Mates of State
15. If There’s Such A Thing As Love by The Magnetic Fields
16. You’ve Got The Love by
17. Florence + The Machine
18.  Livin’ Thing by Electric Light Orchestraa
19.  Feeling Good by Nina Simone
20. Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin) by Sly and The Family Stone
21.  Lazy Confessions by The Moldy Peaches
22. Thank You Friends by Big Star

So, there’s all that. Those of you who have known me for a long time know this already, but, for those of  that I post all this in public not only to make myself accountable for my own choices and healing, but also to process “out loud” for myself… And also in the hopes that anyone dealing with any similar issues might relate or find meaning in all of this and feel less alone in their own struggles. <3

I am still healing from so much that new, unintentional, small wounds can seem insurmountable…

And, when hurt, however accidentally, I need a lot of action taken to heal, not just sweet words. Words are nice, but so easily faked… Which is how I got to this condition, being with someone who lied or false-promised too often. What action though? Gosh, I don’t even know, but things don’t feel okay now. Being this way makes me feel so high maintenance, but I guess that is just how it is when the l-word jumps in and you become fluid-bonded. Maybe I am still not ready and it doesn’t matter how nice everyone is or how much I want to trust them. My hurt is deepening because it’s like the other people involved just get to move on and I am stuck, my heart is frozen with fear because of a little accident. Well, to be fair to myself, a little accident right after some lack of sexual health awareness. I don’t want to be stuck, but words don’t seem to be enough to ease the pain of a boundary crossed and the feeling that something has been taken away from me, however accidentally.

I talked to my counselor about it yesterday, I talked to some poly friends about it today, I came to some more conclusions, but goddamn if everything isn’t a work in progress all the time.

I liked the feel of the space, but it just wasn’t big enough. I don’t think PZS should exponentially grow, but we definitely were not fitting 80 tables comfortably, which we could do at the Smith Ballroom. Quite a few people have asked why we haven’t been at Smith last year and this year. Basically, it’s because PSU has been saving it all summer for orientations. This year, they had some room open, but it wasn’t announced until April or so, which is entirely too late for us to plan. Especially because we have people coming from all over every year, even internally, so announcing ahead of time and having things nailed down is essential. Also, not to mention because we have a lot of stuff to plan!

Speaking of which, if you want to help be an organizer for next year’s Portland Zine Symposium, we should be having an open meeting in about a month, so be on the lookout for that…

I wish there was there were words for how I feel about PZS every year. I feel that I always try, but there is little to explain why things like PZS and Stumptown Underground mean so much to me. Every year, a lot of people who put their hearts into what they create get together in one giant room and share. And, you know, it’s not just PZS. It’s San Francisco Zine Fest, it’s the (newer) Chicago Zine Fest (started by some awesome people, I really need to go!), it’s some awesome kids in Los Angeles trying to start a zine fest down there and others. Anyways, to make up for my lack of eloquence, here is an amazing little video taken at the Portland Zine Symposium this year…

A seriously big thank you to all my friends that helped, volunteered, or even just showed up. <3

And now it’s time to get back to reality. I happened to be dogsitting again this year, during and post PZS, which has been nice vacation from my office. It’s also nice to decompress and be lazy after a big convention. I am dogsitting for the family I usually nanny for, so I had most of the week off from work, but I happen to be working again for a family I used to nanny for a couple years ago and I did work one day this week. That day was spent at OMSI, which was pretty awesome.

In this week, I thought I would catch up on a few things, but I have mainly been lazy and relaxing. I did spend some quality time with a couple lovers, doing social catching up, but I have only been catching up work on Stumptown Underground today. We are wrapping up organizing for our summer/ocean issue (we combined the two, as we had few submisisons for both) and planning the release party. Speaking of which, I just made a post about needing new blood in Stumptown Underground on that website, you should check it out.  If you live in Portland and like to build community through zines, we could use your help.

There have been a few outreach events the last couple months, but this weekend is the actual convention. Every year, I, along with my fellow organizers, work incredibly hard to put the Portland Zine Symposium together.

We don’t always do everything perfectly, we don’t give ourselves fancy titles within our group, like “President” or “Director,” but we all work our collective fingers to the bone to make it happen. We take on jobs, each to our ability and availability. We brainstorm, we plan, we write, we outreach, we laugh, we get frustrated, we cry, we organize, we lose sleep, we just do it until it’s done… And, somehow, it all comes together.

This year, we moved to an entirely different location, The Refuge. We did this because we didn’t want to do the Stott Gym again, for a variety of reasons, and we didn’t have the guarantee of the Smith Ballroom. In fact, we were told, it would probably be unavailable to us. We couldn’t’ wait to find that out, but we got still got the space we were moving to confirmed very late. We only have two rooms for workshops this year in this new space. We only have room for about 80 tables and our sold out with a waiting list again this year. All details that are hard, but you have to make do with what you have and press on. As Alex has noted, we are facing a problem most zine fests confront, finding a space within our means. And, to be more specific, finding a space within our means to host our community event in a way that can include the community we attempt to serve. That means, a space big enough, planned with enough time, that is cheap enough that we don’t have to jack up our tabling prices, finding other ways to increase funding (outreach/fund-raising events, fund-raising projects, etc).

We all have responsibilities for PZS. We all also work, go to school, and/or try to maintain some semblance of a social/love life to maintain our sanity. One of us became very sick this year and has been in and out of the hospital, about to undergo more surgery just before PZS. Another one of us is married to that one of us that has been having these health issues. Another has been traveling quite a bit. We need help, but a lot of people are happy we exist for them to attend the event. Without knowing what it takes to do the work to put it together, without knowing what goes into it… While thinking they just don’t have the time, while thinking they don’t know enough to help, while thinking it’s not their problem. So, when I say that we all work our collective fingers to the bone to make it happen, I mean it. When I say that we brainstorm, we plan, we write, we outreach, we laugh, we get frustrated, we cry, we organize, we lose sleep, we just do it until it’s done… I mean it.

And, somehow, it all comes together.

People have been asking me for year how I find the time to do all the projects I do. I only have one answer, I MAKE THE TIME. Unfortunately, there is no magical wizard that stops clocks for me, granting me just a few more hours in a day than you, I only have the time that I make.

Now, I don’t begrudge anyone the idea that they don’t do what I do. I understand that people are different than me, I accept it. I wouldn’t ask you to do what I do. Odds are, you are really amazing at something you do that I couldn’t even imagine excelling at doing…

I only ask for consideration.

Please, consider attending the Portland Zine Symposium this weekend. I could tell you, “Look, see how many talented people will be there?” Or I could say, “Look, see all the workshops and panels there will be to go to for free?” Or, I could even say, “Hey, did you know there is free food and cool prized at the Portland Zine Symposium?“

But, honestly, if you are someone I know who imagines that we are at all friends, please consider attending the Portland Zine Symposium and one of its events sometime this weekend because I work really, really hard on it every year because it is reallyimportant to me. If I know you, it would mean a lot to me to see you there.

Give love, accept only love.

It is amazing what happens in life when you give love freely. If you give more love, more love comes your way. Give kindness and you will find more kindness. Give laughter and you won’t be able to stop giggling and smiling with your loves. Loving people exist. Don’t be tricked by the media and popular ideas of relationships in society. Love does not need to be hard. Love does not need to be dramatic.

There are people in the world who will hear you having a problem and offer their honest support without strings attached and with true honesty… Or they will offer their accountability, if your problem involved them or something they had done, in a responsible way without being defensive or combative. There are people in the world who will love you and accept your love without becoming proprietary or controlling. There are people in this world who will hear your needs if you’re brave enough to just ask! They may not be able to meet them, but you only have a chance to get what you want if you’re honest about it. You don’t have to accept people into your life who are habitually lie. You don’t have to accept people into your life who cross your boundaries. You don’t have to accept people into your life who seek to control you. You don’t have to accept people into your life who are apathetic. Tell them good luck and move on because there are loving people in the world who give their compassion freely if you would only not settle for less. If you would only wait for yourself and another loving person to find one another. Reject those that seek to control or hurt you because they are marginalized and hurt, so it is all they know and all they have to give.

And to not accept those who would hurt you? Fuck, it is so empowering. You don’t need anything less than love and, when you decide and follow through on that idea, you are loving yourself. You are affirming to yourself that you deserve nothing less than love.

Find love and wrap yourself in it, it becomes exponential. Accept only love and you will find plenty of it and any problems that come your way outside of your close, loved one won’t be as painful because you will have the love of those close to you to cushion any blows that you experience from the rest of the world.

Yes, I know that I sound like a total hippie… But really, what’s more punk rock and radical than love and happiness outside the dramatic, painful shit that we’ve been taught by mainstream society? Forget abuse, forget control, forget feeling proprietary, forget love-hoarding, forget shaming, forget manipulation, forget dishonesty! Save your fighting for a cause you believe in, it has no place in your loving relationships.

Accept love, give love… Then love can be infinite.

Polyamoury symbol as drawn by Patrick Kelly
(thanks again, man, this is way better
than the other ones floating around on the internet)